Looking Back… at a Year of MAC.

on Jan 1, 2018

Exactly one year ago today I stopped my second round, and what I was hoping to be my final round, of MAC treatment. Unbelievably, five days later, I began culturing MAC again. I have spent the last year of my life trying to figure out what to do about this, and all the layers of this that have come since that first re-culture. This has meant a year filled with tears, learning how not to jump to tears, perspective, humility, investigation, and a trip half way across the country for the opinion of the current experts in the nation, navigating my way to be able (and almost not be able) to do that.  Upon arrival there it also ended up meaning an unplanned extended stay there.  My time in Denver, and all that lead up to it, was challenging, beautiful, hope filled, hard, and life giving, a smorgishborg of emotions. I had hoped for some resolution in terms of what to do about MAC more...

November 5, 2017

on Nov 6, 2017

Grace. It’s closer than you think.   I have committed to taking 2-5 second pauses repeatedly throughout my days lately. My intention is to drop all thoughts and simply feel what’s left, what still exists when I let thoughts go. Dropping all thoughts is not always easy, but I’m getting better at it. It helps that it is a short commitment, but I’m seeing the power in the repetition. So tonight, just before I began my evening neb, I paused. In this pause I was blessed with feeling Grace. The Grace that is always here, so close, already inside and wrapped around everything. The Grace that gets disguised when I try to manage the life that I pile on top of It. And even that has Grace in it, is Grace. There is no escape. And I’m so glad.   ...

Pause, reflect, receive….booster jots

on Nov 2, 2017

The Booster Jots concept is about recognizing that we have a choice, taking the time to pause and feel into what we need, and opening ourselves up to receive accordingly. What’s within is so much more powerful than anything that you can acquire from this material world. So let’s experiment. Let’s try adding a pauses into our lives, even if that pause is only for 5 seconds before we move on with our routines. (In the case of booster jots, this is practiced by pausing before doing a treatment or taking a medication, but in the rest of life it could be before doing anything- before eating, responding on Facebook, doing your homework, entering a business meeting, greeting your family…) Let’s see what happens if we drop all thoughts and “have to’s”, for even a few moments, to direct our attention inside. Let’s see what shows up. Let’s see what we...

Sinus Health Post 3- Oil Pulling

on Oct 28, 2017

Admittedly this sinus series has taken longer than I had hoped to get out there, but life with CF, and just plain life, has it’s twists and turns so I do my own twisting and turning and get what I have to share out there as I can.  Ho hum diddly um.  So here we go, Sinus Health post 3! Da ta da! Sinus Health Chapter three: Oil pulling- This is also sometimes called the coconut oil swish and spit. Coconut oil is great because of it’s antibacterial and viral properties, but if you have a sensitivity to coconut or would like to try a different oil sesame and olive oil can also be good choices.   Oil pulling is an ayurvedic technique that’s been around for a long time, but has gotten more recent publicity in the last few years because it helps with gum health, freshening breath, and making your pearly whites more pearly white. Why do I love it for sinus health? (total...

Fly baby fly…

on Oct 27, 2017

Today, I am looking into my own beautiful, yet ready to drop leaves. What are those habits, have to’s, patterns, relationships, and things that have had their time of beauty in my life that are now ready to fall? It’s time to let the winds of change come, blow through this tree of me. What I have been, and am today, has it’s own beauty, but if I use my energy to hang on to the image of now, what it takes to “hold” this very full tree of “my life” together, I won’t ever be free enough to fully realize the blossoming of the coming spring. I am seeing some of my tendencies and patterns, what I do to protect myself or be in harmony with others. I am seeing… and now… I just need to be brave enough to dare let go. My prayer to Autumn Love: May the amazing blaze of color of this incredible season serve as my reminder to see my own colors that are just about ready to fly in the...

Moved

on Oct 21, 2017

Sometimes I will have a dream and it’s message calls to me to pay more attention to what it’s pointing to in the rest of life. Last night/this morning was one of those messages… I witnessed kindness from my partner that transformed another man in my dream last night. There was a lot more to it, but in the dream’s last few moments I was crying, deeply moved by what I had witnessed. A woman walking by stopped and said, “Why are you crying?”. Her question was both hers and mine and I think that of other female figures in my life. As I was shifting back from this, into the waking world, I heard myself say, “I’m not.” “My Heart is thawing and it’s coming out my...

Grace windows

on Oct 17, 2017

I am the one who feels the ocean inside.  I am freedom waiting to emerge as it’s true and beautiful Self.  I am the one who is ROOT FIRE alive, soft, gentle, and bold…opening…opening…   I leak out through your Grace windows, your moments of freedom and bliss.     I am the one emerging from the undefined.  Spirit always alive.  I am here.  Let yourself come meet me.  Notice.  Enter the door to the temple and flow through… to you… and plant love, LOVE. from Here. ...

August 11th, 2017 Instructions From Love.

on Sep 27, 2017

Go go go go go… Further back. Further back beyond, before. Know This. Here there is no fever, no pain. Here there is only Awareness, aware of all the manifestations of itself. Just aware. Find This. Stay. Put your attention here for a bit. It’s ok if the world around falls apart. It’s ok. It’s ok. Don’t worry. You don’t have to hold it together. You see my love, it was never as real as what I am showing you now anyways. Love, LOVE.