on Jul 31, 2021

Tomorrow we will help, my Jazzy (also known as Queen Jasmine, Jazercize, Zazoo, Zazz, or Jaz-a saurus Rex) leave her body.
This was an incredibly hard decision, but one that I am moved from my core to make.

I began the entry below on July 21st.
It has been marinating through my being and in my silent communication with her since.

Thinking about Jazzy.

I was just thinking about when I first got her.

I’m thinking about where we are at now.

She is so sweet right now.  Who knew my Black Panther Isis Kitty would ever be this sweet?  

One thing she would almost always do, even at the height of her feistiness, was come to greet me at the door.  She would let me pick her up and snuggle her, holding her like a baby when I first got home.  Rick says she new the sound of my car and would come to the door as I pulled in the driveway.  

She is beautiful.  Beautiful even in her frailty and disheveled state.
She walks with confidence, even as her feet slide, regal until the end.  

Tonight, I’m thinking about how when we first found each other,  I could have never imagined the fullness of the life we would live, or that we would be in the place we are together now. 

I’m thinking about how she would drive me crazy when she was a kitten, knocking things off my dresser at all hours of the night.  I’m smiling thinking about how that mischievousness would continue most of the rest of her life.  She was known to hang up on people who tried to leave a message on answering machines.  She would pounce on me if I was on speaker phone with the volume too loud, sneak attack me once I cam home if I had been gone too long, or any time she felt like it really.
Oh it was maddening when she used to wake me up in the early morning and claw the curtains and/or the hamper with one claw, just watching me to see how much it would take to get me to get up.  I may or may not have tossed a pillow (or two) her way upon occasion haha. 

I’m pretty sure Jasmine thinks she owns me.  I am her person to do with, and demand of what she will and that’s that. 

I’m thinking about all the places we have lived together, the moves she has done, the places she has seen.

I’m thinking of all the diets and experiments and the learnings we would have together over her lifetime.

I’m thinking about the boyfriends she did not approve of and even the one she reprimanded with a swat to the head. 

I’m thinking about how she adopted Rick like she had no other.
She has loved him more than any other human I have ever seen.

She loves to be on his shoulder or his chest.
He loves her too, as much as he might tell you otherwise at points.  

I’m thinking about my apology to her for bringing a dog into her household.  How dare I?
Said dog, our beloved Bahni, would eventually become her tolerated sister, who she would watch over when Bahni was hurting or recovering from surgeries.

I am sitting here with Jazzy now, thinking about all of these things.
She is curled up by the window on the couch. Me on the floor. Her tail on my shoulder.

I am grateful for all of our time.
I couldn’t have had had any idea where our journey and our lives together would take us way back when our story began. 

Jasmine has shared more than a third of my life with me.
She has been with me all of my adult life.
She came to me when I was ready to care for her, teaching me how to care for myself along the way, set boundaries, and just plain take less crap.

She pushed my buttons and limits, but we always came back to our commitment to each other and love.

So now, here we are, in that love.

I can’t really imagine what it will be like without her here yet, but I will come to know that too.
One more part of our dance to meet…

My little black rescue kitty from Lollipop- we grew up together.
And now we say goodbye together.

Thank you for being in my life fierce little diva.
I love you Jazzy