on Jul 16, 2021

We’ve been having a tough go over here that last number of weeks with our Jazzy.

Instead of getting into all of the detail of that, I will just say it’s been hard.

We’ve had a good deal of up down and all around.  Just when we thought we were saying goodbye, she showed us something more of her own timing and choice by doing miraculously better.  Coming back to life in all ways.

This rallying, as beautiful as it is, is also just hard.  I had just come to terms with saying goodbye and helping her to leave her body.  The appointment was scheduled.  Many tears had been shed, the incredibly hard decision was made.
In some ways, I was beginning to step into relief, which is hard to admit, but it’s true.
It’s just one big layered soup.

BUT, then I saw a shift in her.  I had asked her to show me what she wants and needs, and she is.  How can I not honor and listen?
She is hungry and her will to live is, well, in complete Jasmine style, strong and undeniable.

So instead of confirming her appointment, today, we are all, me, Jazzy, and Bahni having some Continuum time together here in this little room on the floor.
After being deep in for a short bit, I am moved to turn towards her.  I open my eyes, and see her.  She is laying on her side, one paw outstretched on the ground in front of her, one curled into her chest.

I see her.
My heart says, “She is just doing her best”.
“I know you are so confused and flipped inside out and upside down, and, she is doing her best.”

I see her in her preciousness- resting.
She has a soft purr.
I am watching her breathe, witnessing her body’s choice for life.
Her ribs rise and fall… pauses between.
I let my eyes take in the curl of her tail.
I notice the renewal of the shine in her coat.
I see her ribs again.

Her eyes seem to be half open as she sleeps, or maybe just rests.
She has a left over keifir mini beard from her last snack.

She would not be Jasmine if she did not have some unexpected and strong opinion that she would convey, just when we thought we knew what was needed.

So, we will continue to love her up, support, and listen…

She is doing her best.
We are all just doing our best.