I woke up with some deep heart ache today.
Some remnants from dream time still haunting my emerging almost daylight thoughts.
I’m moving in this day from somewhere in between the energy of new life and death, both gifts in their own ways, but in a context that doesn’t meet the realm of the to do list.
I surrender to letting myself be with it, all the “it”. I release, let go, and be in the grey.
It’s actually a beautiful day outside these walls here in Denver today. 75F and not a cloud in the sky.
Big wide open blue.
I feel this and know this.
And also here, inside, is some grey to navigate.
So, I do. I do what makes sense for my outsides to meet my insides this day.
Grocery shopping is on the “needs” list, but I just can’t make the connect back into practical mode to go.
Not until… I tell myself to take a look, what are the staples? How much really do we need? I remember that I could go to our little smaller market, not get in the car, and just walk. This feels like something I can do and could enjoy. Almost like a little vacation around the block. I remember I have this choice and I can do this in a way that nourishes what my soul feels it needs today.
I grab ear buds, knowing that music helps almost all things for me. It helps me feel and be with all the feels. I find my “inspire me” playlist and let myself walk.
Sun shines on my face.
I say hello to the flowers and weeds and trees. I walk between the fences that are there to keep the homeless off medians. I walk between the new construction and the buildings being torn down.
I walk through a city landscape that is also me.
The music moves me and I think of my hoop. I am not there yet today, but I know that that part of myself also still lives.
I walk and feel and even smile sometimes.
I get to the store, smile and interact with the people working there. This is a sweet family like place.
I get what nourishes me, load up my bags, and start next steps on the walk back home.
My feet move, my ears listen, and I begin to open the newly cleansed parts of my heart up to the wide open blue sky above.
Thank you music and playlists and sunshine and life outside these walls.
Thank you for the wisdom to know when I need to get there and how, and the Grace that is always.