It’s Jib Jab season in the Tolberty household.
It’s that time of year where I get to make cartoons out of us and share it with our friends and family, like it or not.
It’s just normally a fun silly way to spread cheer. I probably watch them the most laughing my head off hahahaha.
The one I picked this year was not even actually my favorite, not a great song or funny mouth movements, although I do have to say that this shot IS pretty funny:
I tried on all sorts of goofy ones, but in the end, it was this one that won.
I felt the resonance with this silly little cartoon.
I could feel it as this perfect little parabole for our recent life.
I could feel the resonance with the seemingly “big stuff” that has loomed.
The scary stuff where the automatic response can be, “Shit! Run!!”.
I felt MAC. I felt me putting the smile on the face of the snowman and clapping a high five with Rick, thinking we were done (with that last treatment round). As soon as we put the seal on the deal, the damn thing was back! And not only was it back, it felt like it grew into some crazy ass monster bigger than ever. Four days after that year and a month long treatment FOUR FREAKING DAYS, that son of a gun, resistant, slow ass growing bug was showing it’s mother f@#$king head again. Really?! What?! Run (aka panic).
So then there’s all sorts of hoops. I run my ass off. I go through more medical tape insurance hoops (notice the drop down on my face and Rick picking me up and throwing me on his shoulder, keeping us afloat) to get myself to some doctors and a place that (potentially) knows what to do with me. This, in a way is a running, a handling of the “problem”. (Dealing with fact that there’s a BIG MOTHER F@#%KING SNOWMAN COMING FOR US.)
We take refuge in a mini shelter (this new place that we are in), Bahni crashes and almost doesn’t make it in on the way (Pittbull ban in Denver). But then she does! Hooray! By the skin of her nose (thank you lab mix qualification), and there we are huddled in our shelter, Snowman MAC (and lung bleed) finding us at the door.
Meanwhile, I’ve actually had a knowingness, in some deep part of me, this whole time, and especially as we made the choice to move our lives to CO, that there was some benevolent deeper call here. Some smiling god happening, just waiting to scoop us up and kiss us.
There’s a reason we’re here in CO right now.
And maybe it just took MAC to rattle us enough to get us here.
Our lives have been flipped upside down, and that’s actually great!
We’re finding new parts of ourselves.
I’m learning how to let go of shit I don’t need.
I’m remembering how to trust.
I’m leaning into the mystery of not knowing.
Rick and I are getting to explore new territory and find different parts of ourselves.
So what’s the moral of the story?
Sometimes things can seem scary, like huge ass snowman coming for you with geese flying through scary. But in the end, even if it’s “the end” of the human. It’s all just God.
Even those seemingly freakishly BIG THINGS are really just a Ray of God shining through; the Infinite Creator stretching out it’s hand in some way our little selves didn’t plan on, to kiss you and carry you at a new height.
So what to do besides take the next best step and then enjoy the ride ;).
Scary or Merry. All Love.