Being With Autumn

on Nov 28, 2020

This Autumn I have gotten to see the brilliance of my own leaves, the blazing reds, oranges, and yellows within my own soul.  I have also come into awareness of where it’s time to let go. Let go of what I had been putting so much energy into maintaining. I’m waking up, or maybe more truthfully, I’ve known, but am finally admitting to myself and acknowledging the toll of those places where I try so hard, but that give little back.  It’s time. It’s time to let go. It’s time to let go of what no longer serves so that I can go deeper without so many efforts pulling me from focusing my energy within. Instead, just be quiet, cultivate the places that could lead to the fruits of the next spring of my life. Release release release release release… be brave enough to let go, be brave enough to be naked in the truth of myself. Then see what happens in...

Fluid Strength- Inspiration from the Animas

on Nov 19, 2020

One of my loves and passions is teaching Continuum, or rather I should say sharing vs teaching as truly, it is our own fluid intelligence that is the teacher in Continuum.  In some of my more recent series we’ve looked at resiliency, developed deep listening and surrender, and in the one I led in September, we explored our fluid strength. The theme for “Fluid Strength” came to me as I was finishing writing another workshop.  I knew that would be the title of the next series, but I did not yet know what the series would look like or the exact direction it would take (more lessons from water…). Rick, the pup, and I were able to take a little long weekend escape to the mountains and on this rainy lucky morning I found myself up early with no one else around. So, I offered myself the rare treat of stepping out into the world before doing treatments. I walked myself down...

Lost In The Light

on Jun 22, 2020

Lost in the light. Lost in the light. We are all just lost in the light. With all it’s rays and shades and variances. Not recognizing the red in the orange, the blue in the purple. Trying to find our way. We are all just lost in the light.

Blanket of Tired-Trikafta Day 2

on Feb 17, 2020

Journal entry written Feb 1, 2020 I’m feeling so very tired this morning after my morning dose. It’s a different type of tired than I’m used to though. It’s not a worn out coughing all night tired. It’s instead, a deep, warming from inside my head down through my chest blanket of tired. I’m imagining that maybe there’s a relaxation coming over me. A settling of my nervous system, maybe for the first time ever. Maybe my nervous system is saying, “Oh!  Something helpful is happening.  Something is unlocking.  I can come down now.” After 40 years of unfitting, half made, unmoving puzzle pieces, maybe this relaxation wave layer that I’m feeling is actually a reconfiguration leading to relief.  

Trikafta Eve (or so I thought)

on Feb 14, 2020

I’ve been looking back through my journal, deciding what I want to share and what I still want to hold close, still just for me right now. This entry is from the night before I thought I was starting Trikafta, Jan 28, 2020.  Turns out I didn’t start for two more days due to a body that wasn’t doing so great said planned morning. Alas, here’s the entry from what I thought at the time was my “Trikafta Eve”. Jan 28, 2020 I’m sitting here in my bedroom, looking at a box of Trikafta across from me on my night stand. It is my first box.  The co-pay is $0.  That is unreal to me.  I do not yet know if that will be my monthly co-pay this year or if that will change with the months and as I move in and out of different levels of coverage.  I was told by the pharmacist that the co-pay would be anywhere from $0-4,000.  The fact that it is currently is $0...

Day 4 – Trikafta Power

on Feb 4, 2020

A little day four update: All my stomach and chest muscles are really sore today, sore from deep full body coughs in periodic tidal waves, but it’s a different kind of sore.  It’s like a well used from ringing all the crap out of my body kind of sore vs when I am sometimes so sore from relentless continual  hacking that so many times lead to nothing but some time in the big house (AKA hospital).  Very honestly the schedule is hard and full.  It currently includes chunks of time of nauseousness and shakiness in various forms, taking their turns emerging, as my body figures out how best to work itself with all of these meds and what’s inside.  There have also been some amazing moments of noticing over the past few days.  Especially today and yesterday, noticing differences already starting to emerge with our new friend “Power Trikafta” on board.  I’m feeling differences in my lungs,...